How to know if a man is gay

It’s sex play between two men and a woman, but if the woman were to leave the scene the two men would be completely turned off.

Sometimes guys just want quick, anonymous sex, so they seek out another guy because women don’t generally have quick, anonymous sex. They come out because they feel seen, safe, and free.

Friendship and “Gaydar”: Where It Gets Murky

Maybe you’re not romantically involved at all.

Some guys are mostly heterosexual, and the marriage has a better chance in those cases. Angry, even. In this case, the man may feel the need to strongly identify with a traditional, heterosexual male identity to feel accepted by his social circle or society at large. About a third of these mixed-orientation marriages end in divorce right away.

He tries to convince you that all relationships have a decline in sex even when you've only been together for a few years.

He is turned-off by normal sexual activity and accuses you of being oversexed, aggressive, or a nymphomaniac when you have normal sexual needs.

His sexual performance is more mechanical than passionate with a lack of satisfying foreplay.

He claims he is "depressed" and will blame his depression or medication for depression for his lack of sexual desire for you.

You find sexual enhancers such as Viagra (sildenafil citrate) or Cialis (Tadalafil) hidden in his private hiding places, but you know he hasn't made any attempt to have sex with you.

He tells you that he wants you to use sex toys on him because he needs his prostate stimulated or because he likes kinky sex.

He erases the computer history on a regular basis.

You find pop-ups of gay pornography on the computer while he claims they are not his.

He spends excessive time texting people at irregular hours.

He starts to spend more time at the gym and works on changing his appearance.

He claims that he feels "trapped" in the marriage and won't explain why.

He travels a lot for business and you can't track his activities.

He says he is having a "mid-life crisis" and becomes moody and depressed.

He tells you about sexual abuse in his childhood/adolescence.

He admits to having a homosexual encounter in the past.

He uses the word "bisexual."

He visits gay bars claiming he's there only to hang out with his gay friend(s).

He watches porno movies with gay male scenes.

He makes continual homophobic comments or he makes too many gay comments in conversations.

His ego appears to be boosted by compliments from gay men.

These signs a husband is gay are not meant to be definitive.

The straight men have no homophobia at all—to the point where they’re willing to seek counseling from me, an openly gay therapist. They’re reenacting the abuse. My response is, “As a sex therapist, I have a duty to tell you that your anus doesn’t have a sexual orientation. He may deliberately adopt behaviors, hobbies, or interests considered "masculine" to mask his true feelings.

You might be close.

Fear of Judgement

One of the primary reasons a guy might want to hide his sexuality is the fear of judgment from others.

This behavior can serve as a protective barrier, helping him hide his true identity from others and himself. He may wear outfits that have certain LGBTQI+ symbols, colors, or patterns, even if he doesn't openly identify as a member of the community.

(2023, March). With gay clients, they say they feel the same way; with bisexual clients, they say they’re looking at both the men and the women; with straight clients, they say they’re looking only at the women. In the case of a man pretending to be straight, he may project his own insecurities or internal struggles with his sexuality onto gay-related subjects.

As such, recognizing the signs a guy is pretending to be straight can help understand and support those grappling with their identity.

1) Overcompensating with Masculine Behavior

One common sign that a guy might be pretending to be straight is overcompensating with masculine behavior. Or questioning. But understanding your intention changes the approach.